I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
