Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
