how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
