You really coming over, don't trick.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
