apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
