That's intense
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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