Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
