when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
