my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
