Sponge bath it is.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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