New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
