weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
