You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
