It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i came on her dog
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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