my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
