So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
