Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
