My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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