Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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