also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
