How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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