Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
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The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
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FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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