I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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