ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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