What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
