So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
