the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
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She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize