No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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