omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
