We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
