You really coming over, don't trick.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
