Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
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