Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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