What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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