so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
