I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
