You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
