I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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