Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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