Banned from zoo.
Again?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
it's great music for shaving your balls
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
