best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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