why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
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Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
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I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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