Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize