Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Fuck appropriateness.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
