Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
