found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
