We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
