So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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