There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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