Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
