you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
