Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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