mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
