matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.