Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
