Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.

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(253): View more from Washington

The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls

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(678): View more from Georgia

he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.

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(518): View more from New York

I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(651): View more from Minnesota

they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.

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(559): View more from California

I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.

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(620): View more from Kansas

Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.

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