I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
vagina is talking i cant
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
