My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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