eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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