Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
