just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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