Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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