Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
