I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I can't turn off my feet"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
