1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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