Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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