I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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